


My R

by Maitea



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: 'My R', 'Watashi no R', Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Loneliness, Oneshot, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Songfic, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 08:05:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16036349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maitea/pseuds/Maitea
Summary: A hand grips Evan’s collar at the last second, and the boy doesn’t know if he should be happy or scared. Evan remains motionless, waiting for the person behind them to speak. Depending on the person, he might have a lot of explaining to do.He hears a chuckle, then he’s pulled back. He falls down onto the ground, and is surprised to see who’s crouching in front of him.“Fancy meeting you here, Hansen.” Connor Murphy said.





	My R

**Author's Note:**

> Styling this story was a pain, fk you ao3 lol
> 
> Anyways- I'M BAAAAACK! Sorry for the hiatus, I'm kinda busy at he moment. But after the first week of October, I'll be as free as a bird! So, for now, this is what I have for you.
> 
> I've changed the lyrics to fit the story a little, otherwise-
> 
> Enjoy!

_Just as I was about to take my shoes off, on the rooftop there I see. A girl with braided hair here before me, despite myself, I go and scream-_

_“Hey, don’t do it please...”_

~~~~~

Evan may be 13, but he knows that people shouldn’t linger dangerously close to the edge of a building.

Alana Beck, she’s infamous for being a know-it-all. She turned around, and was surprised to see Evan. “What did you say?” she said. “Nevermind, I couldn’t care less either way.” she sighed, and tore her eyes away from the boy.

Evan was really curious as to why Alana was up here. She was always everywhere in school, finding a way to become more of a teacher’s pet than she already is.

_To be honest, I was somewhat pissed. This was an opportunity missed._

Alana stood back and told her woes. “You’ve probably heard this all before...” she started. “I really thought that he might be the one, but then he told me he was done.” she slowly broke as she spoke. Evan thought that Alana Beck had everything, friends, grades, attention- turns out he was wrong.

He has never seen anyone break down this fast in his life.

Well, except for himself. But that doesn’t matter.

That was her reason, she had been rejected. Of course, its more heartbreaking than it is. Evan looked at the ground, and clenched his fists. “For God’s sake please, are you serious-” he was mad, he didn’t know why. “I just can’t believe that for some stupid reason you got here before me!” he snapped.

Alana was clearly shocked. The normally quiet and anxious classmate was suddenly snapping and telling her that she was just stupid. “Are you upset cause you can’t have what you wanted?” he said to her, looking deep into her eyes as he did. He shook his head, giving Alana a hint.

_You’re lucky that you’ve never gotten robbed of anything._

It seems that the two have switched, because Alana was now speechless. After a few moments, she finally got herself together. “You’re right.” she said, wiping away her tears. “I’m feeling better now, thank you for listening...” she said in a more calm voice.

_The girl with braided hair then disappeared._

_~~~~~_

_Alright, today’s the day- or so I thought, just as I took both of my shoes off. There was but a boy short as can be._

_Despite myself, I go and scream._

15-years-old, and Evan was still the lonely boy that he was. Alana Beck was suddenly more active and cheerful than ever, totally not the broken mess that he once saw before. But who knows, she could just be more anxious than ever.

But now, of all the people that Evan expected to see near the rooftop, Jared Kleinman wasn’t one of them. No, he was far away from that list. “What do you want, dickhead?” Jared scoffed when he saw Evan. He shook his head and laughed, “You want my story? Fine.” he said harshly. Evan stayed quiet.

Jared fixed his glasses, and told his woes. “You’ve clearly heard this all before. Everyone ignores me, everyone steals.” he said, getting slower and weaker. From the corner of Evan’s eye, he saw a tear stain stream down the teen’s face.

“I don’t fit in with anyone here.”

Evan’s eyes widen. “Surprised?” Jared smirked. Yes, he was. Evan always saw Jared with his friends, they stuck together like glue, practically inseparable. Maybe they just had a fight? Nevermind, that’s not the point now. Evan needs Jared to get off the railings, before he falls.

That was his reason, he thought he could be easily replaced. Evan clenched his fists, and he feels a little deja vu right now. “For God’s sake please- are you serious, I just can’t believe-” Evan must be mistaken, this isn’t the insanely cool Jared Kleinman that he knew. “That for some stupid reason, you got here before me?!”

Evan slowly walked towards Jared, and he didn’t seem scared or annoyed. “Cause even so, you’re still loved by everyone at home.” Evan said as he reached out a hand for his family friend. “There’s always dinner waiting on the table, you know?”

Jared almost grabbed his hand, but pulled away at the last second. He got down, and pulled himself together. “I’m hungry-” he said, and shed a tear. He wiped it away immediately, but Evan saw it nonetheless.

_The boy short as can be then disappeared._

_~~~~~_

And like that, there was someone everyday. Evan remembered them all, cause he hoped that maybe one day they’d remember him too. But so far, no one’s said a word about it. It was like nothing happened.

He listens to their tale, and make them turn away. Just like that- they vent, he listens, and they leave. It hurts a little to say the least, he’s helped all these people and he’s still an anxious mess.

_And yet there was no one who would do this for me, no way I could let out all this pain._

_~~~~~_

_For the very first time there I see, someone with the same pains as me. Having done this time and time again, he was known for being insane._

“I just wanna stop the scars that grow, everytime that I go home. That’s why I came up here instead.” and that’s what Connor Murphy said.

Evan’s now 17, and there have been moments where he would be afraid to say anything. It practically happens everyday, but this time...

_Whoa, wait a minute- What should I even say? No, he wouldn’t care less either way._

But in the moment, he had screamed something that even he would not believe...

_“Hey, don’t do it. Please...”_

And that was it. Normally he would say much more, but today? This boy is hurting so badly and thinks that he’s better off not in this world. And he’s seen the way Connor’s been treated- bullied, suspended, broken, shouted at- almost everything bad has happened to this boy, and Evan didn’t know why.

_Now what to do? I can’t stop this boy, oh this is new. For once I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew..._

“Why should I listen to you?” Connor scoffed. Evan stood there, motionless. He didn’t know what to do, he doesn’t know if he should even do anything.

“Y-you don’t h-have to...” Evan stuttered. “I d-don’t know anything-” he choked. He couldn’t tell Connor’s expression, was he laughing? Angry? Maybe even emotionless.

“You have y-your reason, your reality is too p-painful to bear-” the pain he feels for this boy is unbelievable, its not normal. “But even so, p-please just g-go away!” he shouted.

_“Your pitiful expression is just too much for me...”_

Connor sighed, and stepped way from the railings. “I guess today’s just not my day.” he said. He walked passed Evan, who was less of a mess now, and stopped just a few feet from the door. He looked at Evan with cold eyes, and a cold heart. “That doesn’t mean I won’t come back and try again.” he mumbled.

_He looked away from me, and then he disappeared._

_~~~~~_

_There’s no one here today, I guess it’s time. It’s just me myself and I. There’s no one who can interfere, No one to get in my way here._

Evan stared at the sky, gripping the railings rather tightly. He took a look around, and saw no one. This situation is rather sad now, isn’t it? He lets out a sigh, and shakes his head.

_Holding tightly onto my cast, feeling the tears stream down my face. This lonely boy, sad as can be, is gonna jump now and be free-_

A hand grips Evan’s collar at the last second. He doesn’t know if he should be happy, or scared. He remains motionless, waiting for the person behind them to speak. Depending on the person, he might have a lot of explaining to do.

He hears a chuckle, then he’s pulled back. He falls down onto the ground, and is surprised to see who’s crouching in front of him.

“Fancy meeting you here, Hansen.” Connor Murphy said.

**Author's Note:**

> Y'know, the 'R' in 'My R' can stand for a lotta things. I think originally, its 'My Reason', but I'm not sure. For this story though, I'm sure you've noticed me throwing other 'R' words along with the reason. Does that make sense?
> 
> Also- I have another oneshot coming up, and its from the one and only anime - My Hero Academia! So if you know it, get ready-
> 
> Have a nice day!


End file.
